Stop Carol, Stop! Someone please tell me to stop.
It felt like someone immediately pulled me back. This was definitely not my intention. I looked into his confused eyes and all I wanted to do was go back. Go back to melded lips, intertwined hands
Ok stop! Thats enough. I am a child of God
And what does that have to do with anything right now?
“I gotta pee” I said taking a step back. I didn’t really need to use the ladies room. I was just freaking out and needed to get it all the way together! There really was no use trying to turn back time. It wouldn’t happen. So what was I going to do next? Let’s move forward
Grab your coat and let’s go home, blame it on the alcohol. Say you have are working tomorrow
Tell him you’re seeing someone, Just for God sakes do something!
“Looks like someone is getting lucky tonight.” Mary, my co-worker said as she walked in and saw me. “What? No! Why would you say that?” I responded in a panicky voice. “We saw you and Joel. Acting like you are the only 2 people here right now. I knew you had the hots for him” She said with a smirk. On her face. Do I tell her it was a mistake? Do I tell her I’m actually seeing someone? See this is exactly why I do not like workplace romance. You become a hot topic for the gossip mill and your business becomes everyones. “It’s not like that” was all I managed to say and then I B- lined for the door.
I can’t leave just yet. Everyone is here, if I leave and he comes with me, everyone will just assume we got busy. But why do I even care what people say?
I forced myself to stay on the dance floor for another hour. Dancing with everyone and not just Joel. I couldn’t look at him. Anytime our eyes met, it was like I was playing the association game
Eyes = closed
lips = kiss
Hands = grasp
Grasp?! Grasp what? My friend!
I walked off the dance floor to grab my coat and Joel followed me. “Going home?” He yelled over the music. “Yeah! I’m exhausted now! Working tomorrow!” I yelled back. “See you later!” I said with feigned enthusiasm as I headed for the exit. Help me out, I was trying to be an adult here. Removing myself from this messy situation. I am seeing someone for god sakes! Right now I was a little light headed and my shoulders felt heavy. Sleep was the only thing on my mind.
What kind of sleep? Be quiet!
I hailed a cab and just when I was about to close the door, Joel gets in too. “Let’s go together. We can split the fare.” He said holding my hand. I snatched my hand away like I do my edges. “What? Why? I don’t think that’s a good idea. I’m not going home with you.” “Who said anything about going to your home?” He said with a wicked smile on his face. I blanked out! “I am a good girl, I am!” cue Audrey Hepburn from My fair lady. “You’re cute when you’re drunk. We live in the same area so might as well split it, just makes sense” He said as he turned to the cab driver to give him directions to my place. “Well don’t think anything is going to happen! I know what you’re doing!” “I’m doing? Hold up…you were the one..” I started pretend snoring. I wasn’t ready! I can’t deal with this right now. I committed to my pretend sleep all the way to my place. It was a mistake! How did I let this happen? Why why why?
“Carol, Carol? We’re here, want me to take you up?” “Nope! I’m good. Thank you.” I said to the driver as I gave him a twenty. “See you later bro!” Bro, Bro? I know I know, that was lame and cowardly but I just need to think! I was out the door before he could even open his door. Why was I being weird about this? It’s nothing I you really think about it. Right now I needed to just get away. Thank God I wasn’t working tomorrow. Can you imagine? Yes I know what I said. Fight of flight people! Stick with me.
My mind kept on flashing back to the kiss the whole night. It was that good. Toes curling good, nails digging kind of good, noise cancellation, time…ok I’m sure you get it. How old was he? Why did he know how to do it so well? Wth?
That was a difficult night, I could hardly sleep. Once I was alone all I could think about was how good Joel made me feel and how hurt Michael is going to feel. Michael is a DJ I have been seeing for a month. I met him at a house party and I thought he was the coolest guy there. Well, he was giving us amazing music at the party and he looked so passionate when he was working. I asked Sarah the party host who also happens to be one of my close friends and she said he was best friends with her boyfriend Abraham. I know! The father of many nations. It was our running joke.
Anyway, when the party started winding down, I decided to shoot my shot. I walked over and talked with Michael. He is a very shy guy. I told him I was interested in learning how to Dj and he offered to teach me. However in the month we have been seeing each other, I’m always the one initialing any contact and he hardly ever makes any move. He hasn’t told me how he feels and we haven’t even kissed yet! Why I find the situation frustrating is he told Abraham he liked me. Well tell me silly! Tell me! He had told everyone in our circle I took him to see Fifty Shades Freed and with their rotten minds they thought we got busy after. If only they knew. I can’t even talk to Sarah about what happened because she’s going to tell Abraham! I just don’t understand why they have to tell each other everything. I need someone to talk to! Do I tell Abraham? I should tell him, It’s the right thing to do.
As soon as I picked up my phone to text him, I received a text from Joel.
Hi, sleep well? Would you like to have brunch?
Umm no, devil get the behind me
I said to myself as I ignored the notification. I send a message asking Abraham asking him to meet me for brunch. There was a brunch place downtown we had tried so many times to go to but each time we made it to the restaurant our stomachs couldn’t wait in the line up to get in. Abraham was already downtown so he offered to go join the line up.
Yes, Carol. Let him wait in line just to break his heart.
Jeez it’s not even like that!
I met Abraham at the restaurant 40 minutes later. “Hi!” I said finding him in the line-up and hugging him. “Hey, how’s it going? The line up isn’t so bad this time” he said ushering me to stand in front of him. “The hostess says we should be in there in 30 minutes.” Abraham said as he passed me one of the menu’s on the stand outside the building. “Thank you” I said taking it from his hand but not looking at him. This menu was the most important thing to look at this time. Don’t at me. “Everything good?” He said. “Of course!” I said in my I’m lying right now. Gaddammit, my voice always goes into a high pitch when I’m lying. “Just famished. I had quite a bit to drink at the Christmas party last night” I added in a more controlled voice. Just then my phone rang. It was Joel. “You need to get that?” Abraham asked. “Nope! It’s not important. I’m with you right now” “Really? This is the third time your phone has rang.” “If it’s important, they will leave a message” I responded sweetly.
There’s that high pitched voice again.
Seriously, am I the only one who’s inner voice is so savage?
I put my phone back in my pocket just as the hostess came and told us it was our turn to be seated. “Oh perfect! We are finally going to try this place. I hope it lives up to the hype.” I said turning to Abraham. He smiled and placed his hand on the small of my back and ushered me in.
Such a gentleman, If only he would speak. Now look at what he has cause?
Oh yeah, go ahead and blame someone else for your actions
I ignored my rude inner voice. It was time to eat and I already knew what I was getting. Chop time no friend! Thankfully, we didn’t have to wait long before our waiter came around with some water. We went through the mundane conversation which entails asking each other what we were thinking of getting. Like we didn’t already know. Our waiter came back a few minutes later and took our order. We both asked for chicken and waffles, a side of pork belly and some fries to share. What can I say? We were hungry.
“So tell me about the party?” Abraham asked between sips of water. “Oh! It wasn’t that fun”
High pitch! Girl get it together
“You know you can never be your true self at these work functions. It was cool. I didn’t enjoy it as much and couldn’t wait to get out of there. I was just there to show face.” I said in my most convincing bored voice. Behind me, I heard a fork fall unto the floor. I instinctively bent to pick it up and hand it over to the customer behind me. “Here, I got it.” I said to it’s owner, handing it to him. “Thanks.” He said looking at me sternly.
Joel, REALLY? Joel?!