So just how old was Warren? This question kept me up that night. It had me using some of Yaa’s FBI skills to try and piece his life together to create a timeline just so I could figure out how old he was. Because you know, this method was way easier than just asking. Well in my defence he hadn’t texted me yet! I couldn’t just message him. I made the first move the first time so he should message me. Isn’t that how it goes? That night, my computer looked like it belonged on the set of Blindspot and I was the black version of nerdy, cute, Agent Patterson, trying to decipher clues from pictures and text. Someone send me a Dr. Borden! Google him. His voice…and his lines don’t hurt either.
Anyway, a girl wasn’t getting anything on Google so we had to take it up a notch. I Facebooked his name. Come on, you saw that coming. A now norm of modern romance; where you look up your crush on Facebook to find out more about them. He said he’d add me on Facebook when we parted ways. But I knew he wouldn’t be able to add me because only friends of friends could send me requests and we had none in common. I hemmed and hawed as to whether to send him one or not. I didn’t want to seem desperate! Finally, at 2 a.m. I sent him one. NOT DESPERATE AT ALL.
Oh that ‘what the … did I just do’ feeling we all get when we do something stupid. ‘Cue good kermit vs evil kermit’ meme.
Conservative Carol: Why are you up Carol? Cancel the request! What is wrong with you?
Yolo Carol: Yolo! Why not? it’s just a friend request. Take a chill pill and you’re always up till about 4 a.m. everyday anyway so what difference does it make?
Conservative Carol: Yeah, but he doesn’t know that! He’s going to think I’m so desperate!
Yolo Carol: But you are
Conservative Carol: SAVAGE!
Well now I definitely couldn’t go to sleep. My emotions were all in a bunch and I needed to talk it out. Yes it was late, but I have friends all over the world. It’s always daytime somewhere. I ended up going to bed at 5 a.m. that morning. When I woke up at 10 a.m. I tentatively looked at my phone with one eye open. My friend request had been accepted. YAY! That joy was certainly short lived when I remembered what I had done when I got home yesterday. I had posted something on my status. “I just met the most beautiful man today” WHY Carol! WHY?!
Conservative Carol: See what I said? now look at you. Carry your shame!
Yolo Carol: Girl, bye! so what? You’re complimenting him. Besides you didn’t mention his name
Just then I remembered the comments and how I had told someone I met some guy on the train.
Yolo Carol: Lawd Jesuzzz! Girl! Get it together! Delete it! Fast!
Please tell me I’m not the only one this happens to! So I’m panicking, rushing to go delete it, hoping, praying he hadn’t seen it and wondering why the most embarrassing things always happen to find their way into my life. It was too late! Warren had liked and commented on my status. “LOL thank you! It was nice meeting you too.” Conservative Carol and Yolo Carol were nowhere to be found. They had nothing to say except, “nah fam, you’re on your own with this one.” Thanks ladies.
The only thing that got me through that morning was this line I got from a K- drama years ago, “At my age, it’s embarrassing to be embarrassed.” That line has always worked for me. I helps me get over whatever awkward situation I’m in right away and just breeze through like Ashley Graham breezes through those swimsuit photoshoots. Head held high and unapologetic. I just liked the comment and deleted the app from my phone right after. Girl, I could not deal.
Later that afternoon, I received a text from Warren. My stomach flipped when I opened the text.
Warren: Hi Carol
Then I see those three dots that tell you there is going to be another incoming message. Please don’t mention the incident. Please!
Warren: So, I’m the most beautiful man you’ve met eh? 😜
Mother chucker. If there was ever a time I wanted to throw my phone across the room…but you know, two year Rogers contract; it’s been 6 months. Where is Yolo Carol, I need her!
Me: Who dis? New phone…
Warren: LMAO jokes. It’s the most beautiful man you have ever seen😏
Me: Oh! Jesse Williams? Gong Yoo? Michael Ealy? Ukweli Roach? Paul Kim? Daniel Henney? Idris Elba? Common? Chike Okonkwo? Morris Chestnut?😍😍
I know I’m overdoing it but what is the alternative here?
Warren: LOL. Sorry to disappoint. It’s Warren.
Me: Oh Hi! how are you?😊
Warren: LOL. Smooth. I’m good, how are you? Wait you think Ealy is beautiful?😶
Me: I’m good. You think he’s not?😯 well there’s nothing more to talk about.🙃
We chatted for about an hour about everything. Where we grew up, his work, how he got started, what we both like to do in our down time, how there aren’t enough black people in Vancouver, and everything else in between. But you know the question I really wanted to ask. I thought our chat would reveal his age but he wasn’t forthcoming. I finally just came out and asked.
Me: So…how old are you?
Warren: Why do you ask?
Me: I’m just curious
Warren: Well how old do you think I am?
My friend, if I knew do you think I would have slept so late or that I would be asking?
Me: I’m hoping you’re at least 25…
The prayers I was saying at his point. Girl! He didn’t respond right away. It took a good 20 minutes. Where was this guy? where did he go? how can he just leave me hanging?! Does he know what’s going through my head right now?
Warren: Thanks. I do get that quite a bit. I’m actually 21.
JEEZOZ! in a Nigerian accent. 21?! Lord, my little brother was older than him! All I could see was a recurrent scene from my childhood. My siblings and I would play hide and seek and because my brother was so innocent then, he’d always be the first to be found. We’d yell his name. “David, where are you?” and you’d hear his little voice respond with “I’m here!” 21! What are they feeding kids these days?. I’m sorry, but the feeling just died.
Warren: How old are you?
Two can play that game.
Me: Well how old do you think I am?
Warren: At most 24 because you’re done with college.
Aww, he thought about how old I was! No girl, focus!
Me: LOL thank you! add 5 to that number
Warren:No way, You look so young!
Me: I know, black don’t crack.💁🏾♀️😎
Warren: LOL, you’re right.
Me: So it doesn’t bother you that I’m much older?
Warren: No, I look more for the connection and substance.
Oh look at you be the bigger person here. I couldn’t do it. I could not get past his age. It is true that he had accomplished so much for his age and seemed to have a good head on his shoulders but chale (Ghanaian slang for dude). Next year I’m 30!
Shonda Rhimes fans:
Me: So…he’s 21🙄
Serwaa: Ei Carol! You’re rocking the cradle😂😂🙊
Yaa: Warren?! 21! LMAO! What are they feeding kids these days?😮
Me: That’s what I said! 21 Yaa, how?! Naah I can’t.
Serwaa: oh don’t say that. You can have your very own Union- Wade love lol💑
Yaa: Serwaa LOL. You’re not serious. 😂Wade is 35! This boy just became legal drinking age in the US! Is that why he went to Vegas?
Me: oh dear. People, for perspective, David is older than him!
Serwaa: I know but he has his own business, he’s doing well. Catch them young and what…?
Yaa: They will forever be yours. LOL silly goat.😂😂
Me: I shouldn’t have asked. As soon as he said his age all feeling just died. I can’t go past 25.
Serwaa: I don’t think it’s a big deal. He seems mature.
Yaa: Naah, younger than David, naaah. Maybe if he were 27 and you were 34 maybe, even then, lol.
Serwaa: Just give it a chance Carol. You don’t know him well..
Me: I’ll think about it…I’m just not in that state of mind just yet
Serwaa: Ok, cradle rocker LOL😂😂
Yaa: Savage! You’re so mean!
What would you have done? Am I the only person who would hesitate? guys can get together with girls much much younger, it seems to work. Would you hesitate? Is it a big deal to you?
Shonda Rhimes fans:
Serwaa: LMAO, Carol he commented on your status?!
Yaa: What? He did? Where? Let me go see
Me: 🤦🏾♀️ chale
Me: sends screenshot of the who dis text
Serwaa: Yaasss, G! are you sure you can’t get over the age? I like him😎
Yaa: Carol LOL I’m Googling all the guys you’ve listed. I’ll be back…
You and these Korean men, Carol!
Me: Speaking of Korean men, yooooo I met this officer at work! Let me tell you…